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Somehow, cats have gotten a reputation for being distant and aloof. And yet any of us who has had a special bond with one of these amazing creatures know that this is anything but the case.
Sure, cats aren’t as obvious as dogs about the ways that they show affection. Your cat will never wriggle with excitement when she catches sight of you, she won’t jump up and down and lick you ecstatically, and she doesn’t wag her tail with unbridled joy at the mention of the word “walk”. But there are plenty of more subtle ways that are a dead give away that your feline friend adores you just as much as you love her.
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Maybe it’s the way your cat just always happens to find her way into the room that you’re in or the way that she insists upon always sleeping on your head at night. (No one said cats’ ways of showing affection are the most convenient or comfortable for their parents!) But deep down, you know she loves you. How can you return her displays of affection so that she understands what you are trying to tell her? Here are a few purr-fect ways to let your cat know how much she means to you.
5 Ways to Say I Love You to Your Cat
1. Blink Slowly and Gaze Lovingly Into Her Eyes
Your cat might not appreciate being showered with kisses (and she may think you’re a little crazy if you try), but you can “kiss” her kitty style by meeting her loving gaze. One way that cats show affection is by looking at someone they trust and slowly closing their eyes. You can return this display by getting on her level, meeting her gaze, and slowly blinking back at her. Kitty will know exactly what you are trying to say.
2. Mimic Her Voice
If you’re the parent of a chatty kitty, you may notice that she has special meows, coos, or trills that she reserves especially for the humans that she’s close to. Imitate her sounds during a tender moment. She will understand it as a display of affection from you, and you’ll be helping her feel safe, secure, and loved.
3. Let Her Rub On You
Have you ever wondered why your cat rubs against your leg or butts her head against you? Cats have special scent glands located on their cheeks and heads. When your kitty rubs against you, she’s paying you the ultimate compliment of leaving her scent behind and claiming you as part of her family.
You can accept this gesture by allowing her to claim you. Lean into her little kitty head bonks, nuzzle your face into hers, and don’t move away as she’s winding herself around your legs. You may even be able to initiate the behavior yourself to some extent. While it’s probably not going to go well if you try to head butt your cat, you can extend your index finger towards her nose to give her the opportunity to rub her cheeks along your hand.
4. Groom Her
Grooming is another way cats spread their scent to create a sense of family and belonging. While imitating her actions exactly wouldn’t be a good idea (unless you want to wind up with a mouth full of fur) you can still show your love by “grooming” her, human style. Try brushing her gently, using a de-shedding tool like this one. Or, you can pet her with a pair of grooming gloves like
5. Don’t Skip the Vet
Okay, so your cat may not interpret a trip to the vet as a sign of affection, but she won’t hold it against you either! And even though going to the vet is probably not your cat’s favorite thing to do, it is paws down one of the best ways you can show you care.
Cats are masters at hiding signs of sickness and discomfort. Without regular visits to the vet, you could miss an important chance to diagnose and treat small health issues before they become big ones. Say “I love you” to your cat by taking care of her health so that she can enjoy a long, happy life with her favorite human!
You can keep tabs on kitty’s health between vet visits. This printable cat health checklist shows you how 5 minutes, once a month could be the key to spotting issues early and keeping your cat healthy. Download your free copy today!
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I don’t know how to tell you this, but it might not be a good idea to advise someone to stare directly into a cat’s eyes…
Ya whenever I try to my cat jumps onto my face and well you know how that ended……
LOL, not pleasant!
My new tortie has attitude and hates it if I Stare at her. She jumps and swats at me thank goodness for Glasses.
My cat Boogie is a real love bug he wants my afectkion. and attain constantly and. and obeys most of what I tell him to do.❤
Awww, all this is just kitty talk.
We found our 6 wk old outside alone in the freezing rain. As he is growing, I noticed when it comes to looking at him eye to eye, and hiding behind the couch or doors etc, it eventually turns into hide and seek lol. He looooves to peek around the corners and playfully gets closer with every peek..
whenever i will stare at my cat and blink slowly she will come to me and rub and purr, she knows exactly what it means because she will do the same thing whenever she thinks she did something wrong
Hi Rebecca,
I agree. For some cats, especially those you don’t know, staring directly at them could be intimidating to them. In this article, I’m talking about our pet cats and suggesting that you “gaze” and softly blink, which is not intimidating.
But thanks for pointing that out because you wouldn’t want to stare down a strange cat!
Cats like you to blink not just stare them down that’s Aggressive my cat blinks back I’ve also trained him to wink
I have a rescued kitten now 6 months old that interprets eye gazing as threatening. She will start with a low growl and become quickly agitated complete with the tail twitching. I don’t stare her down but do speak to her quietly. She just doesn’t like that type of communication. Anyone else in countered this behavior?
Hi Terrie!
Every cat is different. While soft gazes with blinks is generally not intimidating, some cats simply don’t like it the way others do. If you find your kitty doesn’t like soft gazing, you can try mimicking her voice, grooming her, or letting her rub on you as alternative ways to communicate that you love her! If you are concerned with her behavior, it is always best to talk to your vet!
Hope this helps!
Kristen
I just tried it and my cat bumped my nose with hers and licked my arm.. then jumped down and meowed at her food bowl. We are both loved..
My cat use to.. this is when I would wait for certain times when it was appropriate.. e.g lying on my lap and looking at me.
Ive 2 kittens about 4 months old. I found them. Under a shed. At the beginning neither of them eould cone near me, but i went to their level and i rubbed my fave against each of theirs and they have been in love ever since… they both gaze at me, its the cutest thing because you can tell the “gaze” from just looking at you or wanting to play. I gaze back at them and they come as close to my face as they can get and they both lick my face to no return. Its awesome but once that bind is created, they pretty much would do anything for you. Heck they both even come when i call them, the first time, everytime… I love it!
Agree she might accept a little slow blink but takes staring as a sign of aggration. Also cat does not like human mimacaring a cat.
Its called the eye squeeze and as long as you are in good with said she’s you’ll be fine. Cats use it to communicate with each other. Wouldn’t recommend trying it up close on an unfamiliar cat..
All kidding aside, I have a deaf cat and use this and other eye signals to communicate with him.
Eye signals can be a great way to communicate with our kitties, especially if they are deaf or hard of hearing. I am glad to hear this form of communication is working for you and your sweet cat, Leila!
Kristen
Staring right in their eyes is not smart, no. Squinting at them works though, I think this advice was just poorly worded. If you make eye contact with your eyes mostly closed, then slowly open and close them again they do it back, or at least mine do. I’ve managed to get them purring by doing this before.
Hi Penny, I made a modification to how this was worded since a few people felt it could be worded better! Thanks for the feedback:)
She said look gaze lovingly and blink not stare down read carefully
If your bond either cat since it was a kitten staring in the eyes is no big deal matter of fact they enjoy it though butt their head against you and more signs of affection
Yes I agree my cats have never attacked me and I have had lots over the years.
Looking into their eyes and blinking slowly they do the same back
I definitely appreciate your warning about staring into a cat’s eyes having found out the hard way as a child with my first cat; however, note the article says explicitly to blink slowly as cat’s do. That’s the diff. Right? I greatly appreciated the idea of mimicking cat’s vocalizations!!! Thanks!!!
Exactly, it can be interpreted as a challenge. Madonna was instructed not to do that on a shoot with a big cat (a leopard I think) and foolishly decided she could bond with it by doing so. The handler had to step in when it got angry.
My cat loves to stare at me and lick my nose and sometimes will gently bite my nose if I’m not paying attention to her she has six fingers and toes on all paws talks to me all the time thinks she is a dog I got her from a home a year ago they kept her inside a dark basement for six yrs when I come in from work she runs to my patio door ready to go out on the leash for a bit I bought a leash and harness for her she actually will not leave me alone until I take her out they estimate her to be about 11 yrs old she has had 9 teeth removed no problem eating though my advice is to love your cat they do love you back this cat started off as a young kitten living out of a hallway being abused to being where I got her from and I will never part with her she sleeps inside of my pillow case she wakes me up in the mornings to tell me it’s her time for the bed and if I don’t get up she don’t stop the meowing and walking over me till I get up thank you for listening
Hi Sherry,
Aww, it is so sweet that you have been able to take care of and love this rescue kitty! Thanks for sharing.
Kristen
Blink slowly–don’t stare!
My cats love it when I gaze into their eyes. 😻Sometimes they give me the silent meows when I do.
That is so sweet! My Olivia loves it, too.
Well said, always someone who has to twist things. If you have a cat you know the differences, don’t be awkward!!
My cats are both stable cats and have polar opposite behaviours.
The tiny older one is not very vocal except when it comes to feeding time, is petrified of strangers but very paws on affectionate with his family. He headbutts, dribbles and loves paddy-pawing /making biscuits and purring like a V8 when it’s sleep time. He especially loves curling up on my daughter’s lap for hours when she’s sat cross-legged using her computer.
The huge younger one is is more confident, less cuddly but is a leg rubber and loves to talk, interacting with whoever fancies a chat. When we pick him up for a human cuddle he purrs and paddy-paws the air. Very occasionally he seeks out a lap to sleep on and occasionally houners us with a headbutt, but if anyone is upset he’s the first to jump up to offer a chirp and cuddle of comfort.
I love having such different characters in my furbabies and can’t imagine a life without cats in it. I’ve always said that one day I’ll be known as the mad old cat lady at the end of the road!
Don’t worry I’ll also be a ‘mad old cat lady’. Like you I can’t imagine a life without cats. My mam was cat mad so I’ve always had a cat. My two favourite cats were both greys ; Holly a grey and white short hair kitten of a feral cat my mam used to feed and who turned out to have the sweetest nature of any cat I’ve ever owned and my current cat Oscar a grey fluff ball. I rescued him from a life on a dog farm he definitely wasn’t cut out for! Ten years on he’s still a little skittish at any sudden noise, hates the vacuum cleaner but adores me and loves to be cuddled. He’s in cat heaven when I’m pottering around in the garden and he’s hanging out with me. They all have such unique personalities. When I retire from work next year I will volunteer for a cat charity . Guess I’ve already turned into the ‘mad old cat lady’!!
There is nothing wrong with being a cat lady! LOL Thanks for sharing, Lorraine!
Meows,
Kristen
My cat likes bacon but, will only eat it if I scrape it off my plate
Terri,
I can’t imagine my life without cats either! Each one has such a different personality. Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing!
Kristen
Yes!! I have recently adopted two kittens and the more timid one warmed up much more quickly when I met her gaze and blinked slowly at her. Sometimes I’d even close my eyes longer as if to let her know I trusted her with my eyes closed and could relax and sure enough, it worked! She would watch me and even look to see if I was peeking!
Thanks for the article!
I tried looking at my 5 month old male kitten eyes and blink. He has big eyes and just stares. He is sweet only to my husband and does bunk on my legs but is not interested in me even though I feed him. I have had many cats and they all liked me. I’m not forcing him. He is also naughty with me. What am I doing wrong?
Hi Maria,
Thanks for your question. I am sorry to hear that your kitten is being naughty! Sometimes kittens just take more time to warm up to some people than others – it’s not that you are doing anything wrong!
If you find he is not responding to the slow blink or gaze, then try to bond with him through grooming, petting, or mimicking his voice. Those things can also communicate that you love him and eventually he will gain more trust for you.
If you find these methods still don’t work, consider getting a pheromone diffuser like Feliway (https://www.feliway.com/us) Their diffusers and sprays mimic all natural “happy messages” to help cats feel more comfortable and secure at home.
I hope this helps!
Kristen
I am glad to hear that method worked out for you, Vanessa! It is so sweet when our kittens begin to warm up to us.
Thanks for reading!
Kristen
My husband and I rescued Cleo when she was about 6 weeks old at a campground and I coached her and and the day on rub she let me pet her was the day she had fell in love with me she’s my cat She lays with me she sleeps with me she purse and she loves to be rubbed around her head and her face
That is so sweet, Diane! My cat loves pets on the head and face, too!
Thanks for sharing.
Kristen
My cat sits next to me and stares at me so I know that’s his way of showing love. He’s never been aggressive in all of his 16 years
Hi Nancy!
That is so sweet! Each kitty has a unique way of showing us that they love us.
Thanks for sharing.
Kristen
Hi. My kitty aged to 18 yrs old, and spoke with her eyes and body constantly! she loved me so much that sleeping on or near my head on the pillow was all she and I needed for a good night’s sleep. I fell and was unable to lift my body off the couch for 2 months..my cat, lovingly , forsook the bed and planted herself on the top of my head to sleep! It looked so silly, my family would laugh when they came to help me, but it was so comforting for us both….She and I always “talked” with loving eye gazes and very slow (I trust you,) blinks after which she would happily stretch out and let you know she felt safe and loved. In tmes of stress, she was constantly rubbing her face on my hand or head..or head butting me..to say “you are mine and I am glad!”.it seemed to me that she verbalized (although in her own “words” or actions) that she loved and appreciated me deeply. If I was sick, she knew and would not even ask for food or anything, she just stayed by me. Cats don’t really ..need.you….but if they love you, you know you are special and worth being loved! 🐈😻
Hi Sheila,
WOW this story is so special! It sounds like your kitty really loves you. Thank you so much for sharing this. When our cats “choose” us we can really form a special bond with them. So much so that they might just lay on top of our heads when we need them! 🙂
Purrs,
Kristen
My indoor cat loves chasing and returning cold cocktail sausages you throw she chases brings back and drops at your feet wanting you to throw again would play it all day long if she could
Shona,
It sounds like your kitty likes to play a little bit of “fetch” LOL! That is too funny. Each cat is so unique.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Kristen
Really!
My cat will have staring contest with me for ages.
He is a very chilled cat though
More like a dog than a cat.
He licks me and waits expectantly at the door (^._.^)ﾉ
Arabella,
That is too cute! Each cat has their own little personality!
Kristen
I rescued my cat from the rcpca she was 2 years old her name was connie but i changed it to bonney after my mum she is the most beautiful cat i love her so much she sleeps in bed with me every night she has an out door catterery and loves being out side to see the birds and dogs and out side word
Hi Elaine!
That is so sweet! I’d love to see a photo of that outdoor cattery. Thanks for adopting!
Kristen
I have had cats my entire life. Not once have they attacked me when I looked into their eyes. However, I never stare into dogs eyes. Even the ones I know. Oh. I am not dissing dogs as I love all animals. Just an observation.
Tracy,
Gently gazing into our cats eyes can be seen as a form of affection from them! Staring directly at them could be intimidating to them, if you don’t know them.
Thanks for sharing!
Kristen
Omg my appoloigies on the terrible spelling.
I have two cats. Both if them are mansitas and like is when I look at them. I close my eyes slow and blink. They like it and rub against me when they can. One if them thumps me with head and likes it.
That is too cute, Joaquin!
Thank you for sharing.
Kristen
Its so crazy I have had cats my whole life and I am always in their face! Since I was a little girl my mom would fuss get those cats out your face! I’ve looked in their eyes for long periods of time but I’ve never been attacked! It’s so crazy I have looked into my cats eyes even the ones I have now many times and they don’t get mad! I have five fur babies and they are just sweet and loving.
I just got one in May, and she’s always being weird nonstop, like, head butting me with her butt, blech, and licking me places i don’t wanna be licked, I cannot imagine having 5, but I’d still like it, maybe, Also, can you help me figure out what type a cat she is?
Sorry, I did not mean to be so weird. This is my first time actually asking for help online, sorry if that sounded rude… Misty has a black nose, thin grey fur, yellow eyes, having green spread in them, she has tabby marks that are white, and she’s flexible, and her dad was a stray. Her Mother was a calico, and she is cuddly with only me. can anyone help me?
Should I send a pic?
Hi Gabriella,
My best guess is that he is a domestic short hair! If you want a better guess, send a photo to petliving@kristenlevine.com!
Kristen
I have shown cats I love them with a nose kiss I touch my nose quick and lightly to theirs. They do this to other cats they like. Even big cats do this. When Henry stares at me I stare back– I only did it at his suggestion and never had a problem Cats are very psychic and will read you that way or even communicate if you relax and listen
I have a four month old kitten who was found abandoned at a friend’s farm. We were at the vet’s office and I was holding her like a baby. A woman saw us and told me about the gaze with the slow blink. I did it, and my kitten did it back! I really did feel like we said we loved each other for the first time.
Kimberly,
That is such a sweet memory! I’m so glad that you found her and are able to love on her!
Kristen
Head bumping is one of the most distinctive ways for cats to express themselves. If cats bump you with their head, it often just means they are trying to tell you that they love you.
Yes it is! I love when Olivia gives me head bumps 🙂
Kristen